Darnell momentarily paused his rubbing. He had been enjoying both healing and touching his lovely guest and had trivialized her quirky behavior. Darnell knew she was confused but had dismissed it as a transitory effect of a minor head injury. Now he wasn’t as convinced, and his mind raced to strategize how to handle this delusional woman, should she become agitated. He decided his best approach was to keep her calm and resumed his massage with trembling hands.
Sholene sighed, “Something’s broken inside me.”
Darnell drew back, saying, “Oh, does that hurt?” He had just moved to her right knee.
Sholene laughed and propped herself up to look at him.
“No, none of my bones are broken. And, your massaging has relaxed my muscles. I’m a little sore, but no longer feel like someone ran me over with their car.”
“Hey, you were the one who ran into me!”
Darnell hadn’t meant to be cavalier, but this gorgeous, smiling woman wearing nothing more than her underwear made him momentarily forget she was insane. How could he be so easily manipulated?
Sholene drew the towel around her, sat up, and said, “You are sweet, Darnell. You don’t believe me, and I’m not surprised. But don’t you find my behavior odd?”
Darnell thought that was the biggest understatement he had ever heard. But, Sholene took his hand and continued before he could reply.
“You may not believe my story, but I know that it is true. Some misguided fool just released a virus that will kill billions of people over the next six months because I couldn’t stop him. I should be curled into a ball, crying in the corner. I should be having a complete mental and emotional breakdown. Instead, I’m calmly discussing the impending end of the world as dispassionately as if ordering breakfast. Something is mentally or emotionally broken inside me right now, and that scares me.”
Darnell gently stroked the back of her hand with his thumb as he considered her remarks. He should be terrified, but her words and how she spoke them made him want to help her even more. Also, this was the first time she had reached out to touch him. He was enjoying feeling her hand in his more than he should.
Darnell explained, “Your emotions are too overpowering, so your mind is blocking them.”
Sholene quickly withdrew her hand, stood up, and exclaimed, “Of course I’m blocking my emotions, you idiot! But what do you think will happen when they come out?”
The frustrated woman turned away from Darnell before continuing. Her shoulders slumped, and her head drooped. In a moment, her appearance had transformed from a bathing beauty wearing a towel to a hopeless refugee wrapped in a rag.
“I realize that immense pain, anger, fear, and guilt is inside me, but I have some sort of broken emotional connection and can’t feel any of it. All I can sense is the unimaginable pressure of these emotions straining to break out. You’ve been kinder to me than anyone I have ever met, and I cannot comprehend why you have been so compassionate. But you need to send me away. You can’t help me anymore, and I don’t know what will happen when my emotional dam breaks.”
Darnell was confused. Sholene was acting the way a rational person might behave were her fantasy real. She was self-aware, coherent, and caring. Darnell still planned on bringing her to a psychiatrist friend later in the day, but perhaps this episode was brought on by her recent trauma. Maybe she was rational enough to see the holes in her own story and ease her fears if she returned to a familiar routine and shared her story aloud.
He said, “You’re probably right, but what if we first have breakfast and coffee?”
“That sounds nice. I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning and have always wanted to try coffee.”
“You’ve never drunk coffee? Where are you from, girl?”
Both of them laughed. Sholene also slightly blushed as she looked down at the towel encircling her body.
“And I need to put on some clothes. Do you think I could borrow something to wear? Wearing my uniform might not be the best idea given my current emotional state.”
Darnell had never realized that she would consider her motorcycle leathers to be a uniform, but he wholeheartedly agreed. Once again, he was surprised at the self-awareness of this troubled woman.
“Sure, you’re welcome to wear any of Sarah’s old clothes. I’ll warn you, though, they might not fit. She was considerably shorter than you.”
“Thanks. I’m sure I’ll find something. If not, I can always wear those scrubs again.”
Darnell entered the kitchen as Sholene headed toward his bedroom. He was smiling and relaxed as he scrambled a batch of eggs when the realization struck. The man who had been unable to open Sarah’s closet for the past eighteen months had just suggested that an unknown woman wear her clothes.
He waited for the inevitable emotional onslaught as his whisk remained motionless above the mixing bowl. Seconds passed as he watched the congealed egg slowly drip from the wires into the mixture below, but the anticipated crushing wave of panic never arrived. Like Sholene, some emotional connection inside him had broken. Or, perhaps, something had healed.
Darnell sat at his dining room table, staring at the hall doorway, waiting for Sholene to return. The eggs and toast were cold, and he had already finished his coffee by the time she stepped around the corner.
She shyly said, “I’m sorry I took so long. It took me a while to figure out how to mix and match Sarah’s clothes to fit.”
Darnell stared at her with his mouth agape. Sholene looked stunning, and it took him a moment to figure out what she had done. Sarah was only about five-foot-four-inches tall, while Sholene’s height was easily six-feet. However, the difference was all in their legs. Sholene was wearing one of Sarah’s petite blouses, and it fit perfectly. She had coupled it with one of the floor-length skirts Sarah loved to wear. The skirt ended mid-calf on Sholene.
Darnell regained his composure and invited her to breakfast while apologizing for the cold ham-and-cheese omelet. Sholene looked at the plate and apologized. “I’m sorry, but I should have explained that I’m a vegivore.”
Darnell laughed and replied, “I think you mean that you’re a vegetarian unless you also don’t eat eggs or milk products. In that case, you would call yourself a vegan.”
Sholene blushed and corrected herself, “Pardon my broken English. Yes, I am a vegan.”
Then, the young woman reached for the coffee, though, and her large eyes widened upon sniffing its still-steaming aroma. She took a sip and almost spat.
“Ugh, how can you drink this?” she sputtered as she set down the mug.
Darnell said, “I’m sorry. I suppose it is an acquired taste.”
He started to clear the table, but Sholene retrieved her coffee and a piece of toast.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to keep my cup to enjoy the aroma. How can something that smells wonderful taste awful?”
Darnell laughed as he put his failed breakfast attempt away, and suggested she sit outside on the front balcony. Once the dishes were in the sink, he joined her on the porch. She sat, watching a squirrel dart among the giant oak tree’s branches blocking the balcony’s view.
Initially, this second-story porch provided light and a much-needed cross-breeze to the apartment. However, many years ago, someone had thoughtlessly planted an oak tree in the front yard. The tree had grown taller than the house and needed frequent and severe trimming. Branches pressed against the open jalousie windows, which enclosed the balcony but provided insufficient insulation for winter use.
Sarah called this room their “private treehouse.” She would crank open the windows and pile blankets on the floor. Then they would listen to the birds as they made love out here in the morning. Darnell sat in an empty chair across from Sholene as those memories flooded back. He felt the sweet sadness of experiences gone but not the searing pain of loss.
Sholene broke the silence by noting that she had never felt so surrounded by nature, nor ever been this close to wildlife. There was nothing like this where she lived.
She deeply inhaled her coffee’s fading steam and sadly sighed, “I wish this all wasn’t going to end. I wish we had been able to stop them.”
Darnell waited a few moments before saying, “So, tell me about yourself.”
Sholene replied, “Well, there isn’t much to tell. I’m twenty-three, graduated with honors from the Academy two years ago, and have worked at the Agency ever since.”
Darnell desperately wanted to ask her for the names of her school and agency but didn’t. He suspected that exposing her vagueness would tear open a gaping hole in her story, but it was too soon. She needed to be more comfortable talking with him first.
“Wow, they must think highly of you to place such a young agent on a critical mission like this.”
Sholene laughed and answered, “You would think so, right? But, no, I’m a last-minute replacement because I was the only qualified person around. I didn’t even know about this mission until five o’clock yesterday when two agents stopped me as I left work. They escorted me to a conference room where I was debriefed and fitted for that disgusting bodysuit. I was in a vehicle heading here less than an hour later.
“Nobody wanted me on this mission, just like no one wants me in the Agency. My role is simply to fill seats.”
Sholene’s voice was becoming softer and softer as she began to slouch in her chair. Darnell feared she was about to withdraw into herself.
“Sholene, you might have been a last-minute addition, but they did consider you qualified. This mission has to be critical to them, and they wouldn’t have selected anyone. You must have impressed someone.”
Sholene spun toward him and nearly shouted, “I can impress people all I want, but I will never gain their respect. I was my school’s valedictorian but was unable to get into any college. My grades were exemplary, and my volunteering activities beyond compare. But there was always some reason why I wasn’t the right fit. The only reason the Academy accepted my application is that it is government-run, and I filled a mandated quota. People like me have to put in ten times the effort to overcome all the barriers placed against us. In our hearts, we know that most people consider us little more than objects. We will never be considered equals, but we keep trying, hoping that we never justify their belief in our inferiority. Yet, my failure just did that.”
Darnell could sense the power behind Sholene’s emotional barrier. Her attitude switched from sadness to rage, to dejection in a matter of seconds. However, he couldn’t understand this beautiful white woman’s sense of discrimination. Her attitude was starting to bother him, and Darnell struggled not to let his annoyance enter his voice.
“Hey, you’re right. The world isn’t fair to women, but it is getting better. You’re young, beautiful, intelligent, well-educated, and white. I’m sure that you’ll somehow manage.”
Sholene smiled at her host, similar to how an adult looks at someone else’s naïve child who had unknowingly uttered an offensive comment.
“Of course, you think I’m beautiful. But, please don’t ever call me that again. It reminds me of who and what I am.”
Darnell couldn’t understand this strangely-behaving woman sulking in the chair across from him. Her response sounded both condescending and pained. He finally gave up trying to figure her out or to unravel her story.
“Fine, I get it. Nobody likes you, including yourself. You’re a major disappointment because you failed your mission. No one will ever forgive you. But, hey, good news! It doesn’t matter because, according to you, we’re all going to be dead soon anyway!
“I just wish I knew what was going on before the world ends. Why would someone give a killer virus to a guy with a pickup truck in rural Western New York? And, why would anyone choose Rochester as the place to start the plague that ends the world? Don’t get me wrong. I love my hometown, but Rochester wouldn’t be high on anybody’s list for kicking off something like this. It just doesn’t make sense.”
Sholene remained slumped in her chair, but Darnell saw her smile.
“Selecting Rochester doesn’t make sense to me either, Darnell. The conspirators should want the virus to break out in as many places as possible around the world. From what I saw at the airport last night, you only consider your airport international because it flies to a few Canadian cities.
“I’m sure that man already released the virus, so you are right that none of this matters anymore. It bothers me that I couldn’t figure out the last step in their plan. And, it would feel good to share the story with someone. Perhaps your local knowledge can help me solve the riddle. But, can we go outside to talk? The trees and wildlife you have here are amazing!”
“Sure thing. Do you like picnics?”